Oh to live on Beer Geek's Mountain

As mentioned earlier, I'm struggling not to make this a teenaged girl's diary. Not a report on the daily doings of Uncle GoGo, not the daily glop and glue of the sloppy sap that I appear to be floating on these days... This is not a diary entry but yet another story of friends, these stories I'm trying to pound out of these little keys out of this soak old brain before they drown in all the other things I'm pouring on it these days. This story may sound a bit like a diary entry as this story began this last weekend when three great friends who I hadn't seen for years and years flew down to the city, specifically to drink beer. Carl, his sister Ina and her husband Ralph, had come down to Beertopia, we planned to meet, we met for one of those really great weekends.

I will have to immediately exclude Carl from this story, although, well, he will appear from time to time to flash that goofy grin and interject with one of his classic semi-segwaynic master pieces that immediately plasters a new never before seen smile on your face... The story of Carl runs way beyond my re-introduction to Ralph and Ina. In the future, if you do read the inevitable story of Carl, I assure you, you will need professional help un-sticking your stuck on "tickle fast" tickle button. Carl is by far the greatest Goofball I have ever known; more exactly, I'd have to say that any Goofballedness I may claim to have, I've learned from Carl, the master of all goofy Goofballs! Diverted...

Ina, the sister of the Goofball and Ralph own the Cafe Vollo. Have owned it and operated it together for 18 years or so, together. That my friends has to be some kind of marathonic like "being together all the time" record for a couple, living working eating and sleeping together. An honorable record AND they also managed to raise two boys, good boys at the same time... OK, the funny aside this weekend, Ina and Ralph did start a lot of conversations with, "while we were in Naples, we weren't speaking to each other..." or "...we were on this train, we weren't speaking to each other..." or the classic "...we were at the restaurant, we weren't speaking with each other... but did manage to order for each other"...for some reason the start of these stories seamed as logical as they were funny. Ina and Ralph appear to be one of those couples who soundly "beat the odds". I won't even begin to predict how they've done so in such a spectacular fashion.

I know Ina and Ralph through Carl, but I also know them through Cafe Vollo, which from time to time I would frequent as a regular; at other times would find myself in only as an occasioneller, in 18 years, you can be both over and over again. Vollo's one of those comfortable little places, an Oasis at it's location on the most commercial streets in Toronto; food drink and friends at a slow pace in a sea of fast food places... When I was first going there as a regualr, it was wine and Italian; since then they appear to have grafted on beer... beer in a Big Big Big way. Vollo is now a craft beer bar on top of a wine and Italian restaurant, not having been there for years, I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how they could have managed to jam all this good stuff into such a tiny precious little Oasis on Toronto's most commercial street. I can only imagine this tiny precious place jammed with folks enjoying exactly what they like, pressed together as happy people allow themselves to be jammed when enjoying themselves; Ina and Ralph enjoying them being there.

Beer. I've always loved beer, beer has let me down a few times. I've got mad at beer a few times, and most definitely beer has been mad at me more than once. I'm pretty non-selective when it comes to beer. Oh I mean, I do like good beer, micro-brewed beers, brewed by men and women who love the beer they brew are obviously my preference, but heck, toss me a silver bullet while tailgating the Bills; I'll pop it, tip it and pour it down the pipe just as quickly as I would any "loved" beer.

The reason for Ina, Ralph's and Carl's visit was beer... Beyond Beertopia, their agenda included visits to New York's finest beer bars [bars they don't want to emulate, but bars they could pick up a few things, pointers from here and there]; there were also a few "beer stores" [Canadians shudder at the very term], beer stores where they could buy samples of the many hundreds of beers they'd like to serve at Cafe Vollo. Like to serve...

The LCBO, the beer police and beer-auchracy... All beer bought in the Province of Ontario, that's in Canada, must be bought through the LCBO, the Liquor Control Board of Ontario. This board, basically does not want the people of Ontario to drink, or at least, they do not want Ontarians to have any real choice in what they drink. Molson swill and Labatt swill seems to do the trick for most, so why not all? Every time Ralph and Ina want to present a new loved beer to their customers, they must first subject the people who love making their beers to the horribly beer-o-cratic LCBO... Any of them who have had experience with this beer-o-cracy will usually just say no. Any of them who live in the more economically free "down here", undoubtedly will say no... Alas, Canada's misinterpretation that Americans cannot make beer continues, there loss, AND as far as I'm concerned just another great big black eye on that monstrously wrongly implemented thing they jokingly call free trade and globalization... Ooops...

So here were Ina, Ralph and Carl, in the greatest of great places sipping beers they could not have. Enjoying their continued learning of a marginal but interesting thing, I think the word is, here they were exuberantly enjoying being Beer Geeks! I gladly tagged along; although consistantly making many mistakes; mistakes like bringing these beer lovin' folks, in the city as Beer Geeks to a Belgium restaurant when these Beer Geeks tastes run so American; mistakes like dragging them to The Whitehorse for History, the Whitehorse were on a quiet mid-winter, mid-week, mid-afternoon, one can simply melt into the old wood walls while aimlessly pouring pale yellow swill down the empty pipe and into that place that makes your head spin and forget the daily shits that had been shoveled on you earlier in the day. The Whitehorse, were ol' what's his name died, and where on sunny Saturdays they serve up their swill to a gaggle of frat boys waiting to strike out again and again that night... Mistakes like constantly ordering Lager in front of these ol' Ale, hrrrr, hmmm, OK Ale snobs [smile].

Of course, it was no mistake organizing the meeting between Ina, Ralph, Carl and the Roman. That little coup resulted in the creation of a fivesome of friends that seemed to eat up the entire weekend. You can always tell when you've hooked the right people with the right people; any "meet stress" dissolves instantly and in very short order the people you introduced are talking rapidly about anything and everything you know absolutely nothing about... Nothing nicer than the silly smile on the face of the great big Goofball apprentice, nodding in agreement to stories about places he's never been and experiences he never had; nodding as if to say, YO good friends, tomorrow I will have had these experiences, and by next year, well, I'll be a definite part of these stories of places I've never been, things I haven't seen and experiences I've never had yet. Precious is that big and goofy grin.

The next day found me on a mission, a mission to haul Ina, Ralph and Carl around point to point in Brooklyn visiting mysterious sites of high importance to Beer Geekdom... Places I'd even been to, but never saw them for this quality. At "American Beer Distributors", in my old neighborhood no less, I found Ina, Ralph and Carl bouncing through the isles like a 10 year old boy in a Neil Simon play would bounce around Mr. Clancy's Soda Fountain, 5 & Dime Candy Store, you know out in Flatbush or up in the Bronx. Ralph, carefully selecting new brews to be sampled by the hardcores up at Vollo, Ina leading him to the ones he may have missed, Carl, well Carl, just wandering around with that goofy grin looking like he was already tasting from the handfuls of bottle that he had placed in his side of the shopping cart. Beer Geeks seem such a more happier bunch than those Whinies you see skulking around the wine stores with the serious look of scholarly proffesors on their faces, or those drunk after the first 10 bottles tatsted Scotch-Heads.

Of course the over arching sad point is that most if not all of these beers Ina Ralph and Carl had clutched with such glee, would ever make it by the LCBO; that the contents of these bottles which these Beer Geeks held, studied and placed with an almost giddy irreverence into their basket, would only ever be tasted by a very few, very lucky, probably somewhat select group of people at the Oasis in Toronto Ontario's, cafe Vollo. Seems a shame, but then again, there is a good group of friends of my little group of friends here that I'm sure will feel quite blessed that their friends Ina, Ralph and Carl went to such happy troubles.

After the second beer stop of the day, another store, surprising with a smaller selection but still an almost barely overlapping selection from the selection at the last place. It was during this stop that Ina planned her ambush. Disappearing for just a moment to collect her arsenal... Now, here's another sign that you've hooked the right friends with the right friends [said the Goofball apprentice as he rubs his knuckles on his chest and says, ya, I did OK]; here's another sign, it's when one of these friends starts making better plans than you had made for the next meeting of all these friends. Ina, a Beer Geek, but a restaurateur at heart, had stocked up on all the things required to undertake a full frontal lunch assault on the studio of this beautiful Roman they'd all just met. Hey, I'd thought we'd just pop in for a quick visit, nope, Ina had prepared us for the next mission of the day. D-Day, the landbourne assault on Dumbo... and away we went...

Let's just say, these good friends are all now good friends themselves, anymore, and this all may become more sloppily sappy than even I could bare. Small snippets, hastily assembled chairs, just enough plates to go around beers such as "Arrogant Bastard" being tasted, wine flowing, bread breaking conversations breaking out all over the place; all finished off with the last bottle of wine while lounging in the sunshine watching a school bus load of tiny kids throwing rocks into the water at the absolutely stunning beach between the oldest and most prettiest bridges in this greatest of great places. Hmmm... says the Goofball apprentice, I done did good indeed. Kisses goodbye, we'll see youse agains soons all spoken, me and the Beer Geeks headed out on the rest of the days main mission, more beer...

The rest of the days detail are delicious but relatively unimportant, you can safely assume it was more beer in perfect beer spots. If I had the urge to become a Beer Geek myself, well, I've got my day of initiation all planned ahead of me. We did have to miss a spot, unfortunately as, the sun just wasn't cooperating and I had to unleash my secret plan to end the day on my roof watching the sunset over the Midtown Manhattan Mountain Range then drag these Beer Geeks into MY beer bar for a final swig and a taste of what is, OK arguably the best pizza in Brooklyn, which of course makes it the best pizza in all the world... The night, the great weekend ended simply watching the Simpson, eating pizza and drinking some passable brews at the place I go to, well pretty much everyday single damned day.

Hooking up with old friends you barely remember having is well, a hoot, a treasure when you become better friends than you were when you were last friends. Of course Carl being good friend glue, I guess this was probably bound to happen. Hooking these friends up with new friends and having them become good friends is, well downright spectacular... You know, I've not once yearned to go back to Toronto. Oh, I'll pop in pop out, see the sister, but for the most part, trips to Canada are family affairs that take place in those two small towns stretched out along the 401 just a nip over the border. That all changed this weekend. I now have this absolute desire to take a trip up Toronto's most commercial street, up to the Oasis, were we'll start with a few beers on the patio, eat a great Italian diner, then slip into the bar to sample a few of the rarities. I'm sure Ina, Ralph and Carl, the lovable Beer Geeks, old friends, pals who got a great big ol' kick outta my big ol' burly Brooklyn home will crack open a special one. Pour out some glasses... a toast to the day we spent climbing beer mountain, now that'll be a toast.